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This type of man doesn't see the situation for what it is...that you have decided that this is not the way love should be...that it is pathological...that it is tormented...that it is unnatural. He only knows that he is losing control of a good thing that he used to have control over and he wants to keep it..so I'll wager that his response will probably be that he will try to sway you back to him. I have just ended an abusive 3 year relationship FOR GOOD. Yes, I have been back several times. But now I see the reality of this situation...that it is hopeless....that this man has the ability to sway my feelings...that this is TOTALLY NOT what I want in life. (His temper tantrums, hitting me, talking to me like I am stupid, etc. ) So....I absolutely do not answer the phone. He cannot love, he can only control....it has only been four days since I have made up my mind to STOP this relationship, and these postings have been a GODSEND. DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH HIM OR ANYONE CLOSE TO HIM. This man has called me every day the last four days since I told him it was over. He is so mentally ill and most importantly...NOT A REAL MAN...real men are able to love and nurture their women...this one can only love and nurture himself. Honestly...he has children and I can even see through that...he is only wrapped up in his children because he enjoys playing the martyr...the "poor guy who only wanted a family", believe me, I can put money on the fact that he treated the children's mother so horribly THAT'S why she left him and he can only see them every other weekend. He doesn't care that you are doing the right thing, in fact his mind doesn't even begin to work in that way. He doesn't care that your feelings for him are coming to a conclusion...the right one...he doesn't love you and he never will. And the chance of him ever being mentally right is slim to none. I am sorry to have to write these words, but they all are from a woman who spent 22 years in the Marine Corps and never let anyone pull the wool over her eyes. It can happen to anyone, and just remember...you are capable of loving, and that is a WONDERFUL thing. He will never be able to do that. And that is pitiful. Don't think about what he thinks of you. Go with what you really know deep down inside. He is mentally ill and will continue to be....and there's nothing you can do to make that change...it will be all up to him to realize how he is. Keep your head up. Life alone is better that no life at all...which is what you will end up with if you keep caring about what he thinks and stop thinking about how to heal yourself.

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Q: How does an abusive man respond to a victim's growing detachment and independence?
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